Understanding Grief (and the Guilt That Comes With It)

How to move through grief — in all its forms — without getting stuck in regret

Disclaimer: This blog is intended for general information and education only. It does not constitute psychotherapy or counselling services. The goal is to provide readers with information that may support informed decision-making. None of the content is intended to persuade or guarantee specific outcomes. For individualized care, please consult with a qualified mental health professional.

💔 Grief isn’t just about death — it’s about loss.

When we think of grief, we often think of funerals, eulogies, or the absence of someone we loved. And while death is a profound form of grief, it’s far from the only one.

Grief can be quiet. Lingering. Unseen by others.

We grieve when relationships end.
We grieve when our parents age or become ill.
We grieve when our friendships shift or fade.
We grieve versions of our lives that never came to be — the paths we didn’t take, the people we hoped to become, the connections we wished had gone differently.

Grief shows up in many forms. And just as often, it brings two unwanted companions: regret and guilt.

Grief Is a Response to Something That Mattered

At its core, grief is an emotional response to loss — a way your body and heart register the absence of something important.

Grief can feel like:

• Sadness or numbness

• Longing and nostalgia

• Anger or confusion

• Feeling untethered or out of sync with life

• A desire to withdraw — or a sudden need to feel close to others

Grief doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken. It means something mattered.

And the more you loved, hoped, or cared — the more deeply you might grieve.

Types of Grief (It’s Not Just About Death)

While we often associate grief with losing a loved one, grief can arise in many life experiences:

1. Death of a loved one

Whether expected or sudden, the death of someone we love often stirs a complex mix of emotions: sadness, relief, anger, guilt, longing, and more.

2. Loss of a relationship

Romantic breakups, estrangement from a family member, or the quiet fading of a friendship can all trigger deep grief — even when you know the ending was necessary.

3. Life didn’t go how you hoped

Sometimes we grieve the imagined life we didn’t get to live — becoming a parent, finding the right partner, pursuing a dream. These invisible losses are real and often unacknowledged.

4. Shifts in identity or health

When your mental or physical health changes, or when you no longer recognize the person you used to be, there’s often grief for the version of yourself that feels lost.

Why Regret and Guilt Often Show Up in Grief

Grief naturally brings reflection. But in that reflection, it’s easy to fall into loops of:

• “I should’ve done more.”

• “Why didn’t I say that?”

• “If I had just handled it differently…”

These thoughts come from love — and a wish to rewrite the ending. But they can also make grief harder to move through.

You might feel regret over:

• What was left unsaid

• How you showed up (or didn’t)

• The time you lost or the choices you made

• The version of yourself you wish you had been in the relationship

And guilt often arises when:

• You start to feel okay again

• You laugh or feel joy

• You didn’t reconcile before the end

• You feel you “should” be grieving differently

How to Work With Grief, Regret, and Guilt

There’s no right way to grieve — but here are some gentle practices that may support you:

1. Name What You're Grieving

Be specific. You might be grieving:

• A person

• A dynamic

• A lost future

• A part of yourself

Naming it can bring clarity and soften self-blame.

2. Let the Feelings Come in Waves

Grief often ebbs and flows. You don’t have to cry every day to be “doing it right.” Nor do you have to move on quickly to prove strength.

Take a breath. Place a hand over your heart. Let the ache come without needing to fix it. You might say:

“I miss them because I loved them.”
“This hurts, and that’s okay.”

3. Balance the Story

If you’re caught in guilt, try remembering the full picture:

• What did you offer to the relationship?

• What small moments showed care?

• What would you say to a friend feeling what you feel?

You might write or say:

“I wish I had done more — and I know we shared something meaningful.”
“Maybe I made mistakes, and maybe they did too. But we chose to stay connected, and that means something.”

4. Stay Connected, in Your Own Way

Whether your loss is permanent or more symbolic, there are ways to honor what was:

• Write letters to the person or version of yourself you’re grieving

• Create small rituals (lighting a candle, visiting a favorite spot)

• Talk to them in your heart or mind

• Mark anniversaries or milestones with remembrance, not pressure

5. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Less Over Time

You may not think about them every day forever — and that doesn’t mean you didn’t care.
It means you're healing, integrating, and making space for life to continue. That, too, is a form of love.

You’re Not Alone in This

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences — and yet it often feels so lonely.
It’s okay if your grief is complex. If it’s tangled with guilt, regret, or confusion. That doesn’t mean you’re grieving wrong — it just means you’re human.

If you're ready to explore your grief with support, we’re here.

At Canopy Psychotherapy Centre, we work with individuals navigating all kinds of loss — death, estrangement, missed opportunities, and life transitions. Grief may not be something to “solve,” but it can be something to move through — with care.

Book a free 20-minute consultation to see if we might be the right fit for your healing journey.